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| There was a magical place, or so it seemed, a place that you can only see in your dreams. Men respected one another, they didn't demean one another constantly, they didn't hate as though their neighbor was their worst enemy. There was no great inhumanity towards man from his brother. Children weren't beaten or mistreated. Women were treated like the precious gems they truly are. Their worth immeasurable. Families were close knitted. There was no husband beating his wife or his children, no divorces, nothing even close. In this perfect world there was no war, no hunger, no suffering and no poverty because of men greedily fighting over little things like oil and the like. There was no drug addiction, no alcoholism, no smoking, no cancer, no disease...Those who were different were embraced by society as though they weren't and were never cast out or shunned. A true gentleman could be seen daily walking the streets with his arm wrapped around his wifes arm as they held hands. A true lady was everywhere to be seen because there was no harsh society to demean them for trying to be proper. And if a dragon or monster did appear to ensnare a damsel, she would not fear and rest assured that her beloved knight would be there to free her and take her on horseback into the sunset where they would live happily ever after. It was absolute bliss... Fade Back To Reality... War, terror, death, disease, poverty, abuse...it's everywhere. Women and children are cast off as burdens. Used, misused, treated horribly and beaten mercilessly by those husbands that married them claiming to love them. People hate each other over the smallest of things. They use racial slurs, mock others religions, and demean those around them constantly. They lie, steal and cheat with no conscience. An epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases, alcholism, drug abuse and cancer from smoking is sweeping across this great world of ours and in our great race to be better than everyone else we've disregarded each other and wiped out natural resource after natural resource, causing the extinction of hundreds if not thousands of beautiful species of plants and animals. And as for the character of most in this society now, a true lady, and a true gentleman, and those men who treat women like they are goddesses and place them on the marble pedestals they deserve are almost just as extinct as those poor creatures that businesses have destroyed in their greed. We live in dark times...monsters everywhere, dragons at every turn, so many damsels in distress and so few knights...so very dark indeed... Where, oh where, are you my perfect fairy tale world? Why, oh why, do we have no happy ending to look forward to? Where are the damsels, where are the knights? ....Where is my damsel in need of a knight in shining armor? Alas, I fear I will never know. In the mean time...I will sit here, shining my armor, day in, day out, watching this world corrode and eat itself alive as I try my best to see the stars and just imagine this perfect world of mine. The End | | |
| Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life | | |
| And I love him! Check him out! 
This is his robot form, he's a Buffalo Mine Protected Clearance Vehicle. In other words, he clears out mines. 
This would be him in his robot form, freakin' sweet and if you Youtube "Transformers TV Spot Event" you get to see him transform and totally pwn a bus. | | |
| To start things off, a quote about my most recent bout with self hatred, cutting and the like. "If it makes you happy, then I'm fine. If it makes you sleep at night, I am not suicidal. If it helps you stay ignorant, the scars that lace my body are not proof of how much self-hatred boils inside me. If it keeps you from abandoning me, I'm not crazy." - Unknown...but so relevant it hurts. "Knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven." - William Shakespeare "I don't care what you are doing, so much as the idiotic way that you are doing it." - Vincent Valentine "Too much hope is the opposite of despair... An overpowering love may consume you in the end." - Vincent Valentine. "Its amazing how every time you open your mouth you prove that you're an idiot." - Vegeta "A painless lesson is one without any meaning..." - Edward Elric "It's a simple formula. The greater the tragedy, the greater the emotional effect." - Legato Bluesummers "When I was young I used to think the world was a happy place. Then I learned the truth: that nothing is fair and everything you love gets taken away." - Rafael "People think that Hell is fire and brimstone and the Devil poking you in the butt with a pitchfork, but it's not. Hell is when you should have walked away, but you didn't." - Romeo Is Bleeding "There must be a Hell. There must be a place for the demons; a place for the damned. Hell is Heaven's reflection. It is Heaven's shadow. They define each other. Reward and Punishment; hope and despair. There must be a Hell, for without Hell, Heaven has no meaning." - Ramiel "Love belongs to Desire, and Desire is always cruel." - Unknown "Pessimism is just an ugly word for pattern recognition." - Uknown "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche "Do you ever just get that feeling where you dont want to talk to anybody? You dont want to smile, and you dont want to be happy, but at the same time, you dont know exactly whats wrong either.There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you would want anything in the world, it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting, and being alone never was. At least when you are alone, no one is constantly asking you what's wrong, when you dont know the answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again...but until then, all you can do is wait..." - Unknown, but I love it. | | |
| This is another one of my odd and random rants that I feel the urge to spill out. I...AM...NOT...HAPPY! But at the same time, I am. I'm antisocial, I really tend to hate change, I have few close friends, and by few I mean one. I'm sarcastic, hard to get to know, and tend to push people away. It's very hard for me to open up and I'd rather stay indoors and listen to music or watch movies then go out to "party". Everyone I talk to frowns at this and gives me the "oh you poor thing" look. You know what? I don't care. I actually find myself being happy like this. It's who I am and who I've become over the years and if I can't be happy being myself then why change for anyone else just to make them happy? I am who I am, it's not my fault that no one accepts me for it. Relationships come and go, the girls I'm with say I'm amazing and underrated, but why do I never feel like it? I'm smart to be sure, but no one looks for that anymore. It's about the proverbial "hotness" of a person and not who they are inside these days. It's revolting. And you know what? I was doing some thinking today about stupid people. I mean not like literally "Im as dumb as a bag of retarded kittens that had a bag of hammers dropped on them then kicked around a bit then tossed in a river..." stupid. (Yes that was a bit graphic, but it made me smile, so hush!) I'm talking about those that have an almost complete lack of free will. People who try too hard to "fit in" or conform to others standards annoy me greatly. They think that to be liked and appreciated that they need to change who they are to the point of blending in with the huddled masses. This both confuses and infuriates me. Individuality is a blessing, yet too many people dig little "safe holes" for themselves in their social niche of choice, never come out of that hole, and then get upset when someone dumps dirt in that hole. Climb out of your holes people! You have no idea how much happier you would be if you accepted your differences and embraced them. Preps, Jocks and the like, shame on you! You hollow shells! Now, you there, nerdy girl with glasses that plays chess for the school that people pick on every day. You're amazing, don't change. YOU! Emo kid! Cutting yourself, talking about how horrible life is yet having a GREAT taste in music, though wearing your discomfort like a favorite shirt isn't exactly good, I still support you for accepting who you are. Goth kids? Words can't describe how much I adore you for a variety of reasons. Now as long as you don't cave into peer pressure and mock people for their differences I won't loathe you. Don't become like those who ridicule you, it makes you no better and it's actually rather depressing. Now just keep embracing your differences and more of that proverbial "power" to you. Oh well, another soliloquy ended...I suppose I got this xanga to vent, I somehow doubt anyone is going to read these...Anyway. Toodles. | | |
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